In 2012 and 2013, I was struggling so badly with anxiety and depression due to rejection and dissatisfaction in my personal and professional life that I was having regular panic attacks, and things got so bad that I started contemplating suicide on a daily basis.
I remember the moment that I hit my emotional rock bottom. It was a cold February Saturday night in 2013, and I was supposed to go to a friend’s birthday party that night. And I remember really looking forward to going to this birthday party because it was with a group of friends who I hadn’t seen in a while. And I had told myself that I would leave around 7:00 pm so I could get to the party around 7:30.
But at 6:51, and for whatever reason, I still remember the time, but at 6:51, I started having an anxiety attack. I remember my hands crinkling up, my stomach feeling like it was being compressed by a boa constrictor, my shoulders hiking up, and my breathing becoming short and shallow, and it felt like what I imagine drowning feels like.
I don’t know how long that feeling lasted, but by the time it was over, I was so mentally and physically wiped out that I texted my friend and said, “Hey, I’m not feeling well. I’m gonna have to skip the party. Sorry about that.”
And then I woke up the next day and thought to myself, “What the hell is wrong with me? It’s a weekend…normally I don’t feel this way unless I’m at work.” That’s when I knew I needed to go to therapy before I sought out a more permanent solution to make my depression go away.
My therapist introduced me to mindfulness, and through my daily mindfulness practice, I have learned new ways to manage my emotions so that I am able to respond as opposed to react. Instead of my emotions being knocked around like a speed bag you’d find in a boxing gym, they’re able to withstand the blows life throws at me more like a heavy bag.
Sure, I may sway from side to side from time to time, but it’s much easier for me to steady myself these days. As a result of this life transformation, I decided to become a mindfulness teacher because one of the tenets of mindfulness is gratitude, and had my therapist not introduced me to mindfulness, I don’t know if I would be there today.
I also wanted to provide a platform to give people the space and permission to share their expertise and life experiences when it comes to social and emotional learning, mindfulness, physical and emotional wellness, cultural awareness, finances, communication, relationships, dating, and parenting…all those things we need to think about as we navigate our 30s, 40s, and 50s, which is why I created The Mindful Midlife Crisis Podcast.
If you’re wondering, “Well, what exactly is mindfulness?” I can sum it up like this: mindfulness is the state of awareness in which you are intentionally focused on the present moment with curiosity, openness, compassion, and non-judgment. It’s a simple concept, but especially in this age of instant gratification and overstimulation, it is not easy. If you’re looking for a good place to start being more mindful, follow along with this guided meditation for beginners. If you’re worried about whether or not you’re meditating correctly, just remember this: the practice is in your awareness of the failure. When you’ve lost focus on the breath and suddenly become aware of that, gently bring your attention back to the breath. It doesn’t matter if it’s been five seconds or five minutes…just gently bring your attention back to the breath in the present moment.
Curious about living a more mindful and intentional life but not sure where to begin? Then jump start your practice and cultivate inner peace with this guided practice for beginners!
Cultivating a regular mindfulness practice will help you unlock the transformative power of mindful and intentional living and lead you towards a life filled with more equanimity and balance.
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